Why are You so Pale?

I have never had a great relationship with the sun. A glance in its direction will have me sneezing at least three times in rapid succession, looking as though I’m trying to violently dislodge a cicada that has landed atop my head. I also burn very easily.

I have never had a great relationship with the sun. A glance in its direction will have me sneezing at least three times in rapid succession, looking as though I’m trying to violently dislodge a cicada that has landed atop my head. I also burn very easily. And skin cancer runs through my family. Who am I kidding? It practically gallops. (nod to Cary Grant’s best line in Arsenic and Old Lace).

As a result, I’m a deep shade of pale. When purchasing a shade of cosmetic foundation, the best blends for me often have names like “Limestone Slurry” or “Rice on White bread”. My face does get the tiniest smidge of sun as I move from the parked car into the grocery store. But my legs, forever shielded by pants, look as though two giant carp died in my back yard, have been bleached and swollen by the sun, and I’m now wearing them as shin guards.

To no one’s surprise, I don’t get a lot of sun-provided Vitamin D. In fact, it’s on the list of “things to watch” for vegans and vegetarians alike. My doctor’s yearly blood test always ends with an admonishment to keep taking that D supplement. But not to worry; there are many foods that will assist in my efforts. In fact, when you search for a list of foods naturally rich in Vitamin D, you will find quite the variety. Fish products of many types, including sardines, tuna, salmon, herring and even caviar make the list. But if, like me, you don’t eat fish, then there are fortified options: orange juice, milks of all sorts, tofu. Read the labels carefully however, since not all selections in these foods are fortified.

But then, as if rising mid-stage, with music tension building and spotlights swirling, we see. . . the mushroomThe mushroom?!  Yes, the mushroom. This took me completely by surprise. Mushrooms are such quiet unassuming creatures. They have this vast underground network, but sweetly pop up, hither and yon, delivering lovely little morsels of deliciousness. I’ve long thought that the taste of the elusive morel is so good, it’s orgasmic.

However, deliciousness aside, I thought mushrooms were probably devoid of any significant nutritional value. After all, they eagerly absorb the flavors of whatever sauce into which they’ve been submerged; you know. . . like cardboard. But to my surprise, they are bursting with Vitamin D goodness. The unassuming portabella mushroom, with a mere 3 ounces, gives you a brag-worthy HALF your daily Vitamin D need.

But I’ve buried the lead.

Here’s the big surprise. Put that mushroom out in the sun for a mere 20 minutes, gills up, and the Vitamin D level skyrockets. Who knew? Apparently mushroom growers knew, because there is now a push to have all mushrooms pulsed with ultra-violet light for a mere 2 seconds to increase their vitamin D content.

I have always loved mushrooms; so, beefing them up on Vitamin D would be a win-win for me. My doctor might even permit me to discontinue my little D supplement. Who knows, you may one day see me skipping delightedly out of the doctor’s office. And how will you know it’s me? I’ll be the one looking like she’s part of an all-carp ballet troupe.  

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